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In a heartwarming episode of the Dads with Daughters podcast, we speak with Brent Dowlen, a dedicated father and the voice behind The Fallible Man podcast. Brent shares his heartfelt journey of fatherhood, underscoring the value of prioritizing family, embracing transparency, and finding personal purpose.
The Blessing of Fatherhood
Discovering Love with Daughters
Brent Dowlen recounts the heart-stopping moment of holding his first daughter for the first time. He admits that he, like many fathers, was overwhelmed with joy and a touch of terror. “It’s real now. This little life is dependent on me,” he shares, capturing the duality of excitement and responsibility that comes with fatherhood. He never knew the gender of his children until birth, emphasizing that his main hope was simply for a healthy child.
Fears and Aspirations
Despite his extensive background in youth ministry, Brent was not immune to the fears that accompany fatherhood. His primary concern was setting an exemplary standard, knowing that his daughters would one day seek partners who reflect his character. This realization spurred a significant personal transformation. Brent openly discusses the fears of not living up to the high bar he set and the journey he has undergone to become the best version of himself.
Embracing Transparency
Owning Mistakes and Building Trust
Brent emphasizes transparency and honesty with his children. He candidly shares stories of his past mistakes and life experiences, adapting the depth of these dialogues to his daughters’ developmental stages. This approach, he believes, nurtures trust and resilience in his daughters. “Kids will cling to transparency,” Brent says. By owning up to his mistakes and maintaining honesty, he sets a robust foundation of trust and respect in his family.
Handling Pain Together
Brent’s parenting style includes teaching his daughters practical skills to navigate physical and emotional pains. He recounts holding his daughter during her shots, teaching her to breathe through the pain—an approach he values highly. This practice not only builds resilience but also demonstrates his unwavering support and presence during difficult moments.
The Dynamics of Different Personalities
Unique Bonds with Each Child
Recognizing and responding to the unique personalities of his daughters is another core aspect of Brent’s parenting philosophy. His older daughter, who shares his passion for activities, bonds with him through early morning walks and fishing trips. On the other hand, his younger daughter cherishes snuggles and quiet chats. Brent’s ability to adapt to their distinct needs strengthens his relationship with each child. “Part of me going for walks in the morning has to do with me trying to stay somewhat healthy. Part of it is I wouldn’t trade that time for anything,” says Brent, highlighting the precious one-on-one times.
The Fallible Man: A Journey to Better Self
Inspiration Behind the Podcast
Driven by a desire to impact lives positively, Brent launched “The Fallible Man” podcast in 2020. Initially rooted in his background in ministry, his motivation evolved as he sought ways to mentor and guide men, especially those without positive male role models. The podcast strives to redefine masculinity, focusing on self-improvement and purposeful living rather than physical attributes.
Major Takeaways for Men
Reflecting on over 300 episodes, Brent’s key takeaway is the critical need for men to discover their unique purpose. “All men were born for a purpose. You inherently have worth because you’re a person,” he notes. Living in alignment with this purpose, accompanied by humility, paves the way for personal growth and clarity in life’s decisions. Brent asserts true masculinity lies in purpose, mission, and authenticity, rather than stereotypical physical traits.
Fatherhood Insights and Advice
Living for Priorities
The podcast episode wraps up with Brent sharing a piece of sage advice: “20 years from now, your boss won’t care about how many hours you worked. Your children will never ever ever forget that they were your priority.” This encapsulates the essence of Brent’s parenting philosophy—being present and making your children feel valued above all else is a lasting legacy of fatherhood.
For those keen to learn more about Brent Dowlen and dive deeper into his insights, visit falliblemanpodcast.com. Brent’s extensive work aims to help men navigate their journey of self-improvement, ultimately making a positive impact on their families and communities.
TRANSCRIPT (Unedited transcript made by CASTMAGIC)
Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:00:05]:
Welcome to Dads with Daughters. In this show, we spotlight dads, resources, and more to help you be the best dad you can be.
Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:00:16]:
Welcome back to the dads with daughters podcast, where we bring you guests to be active participants in your daughters’ lives, raising them to be strong, independent women. Really excited to have you back again this week. Every week, you and I have an opportunity to be able to talk, to walk this path that we’re walking to be able to raise our daughters into those strong, independent women that we want them to be. And I love that we’re able to have these conversations because each of us is on our own journey. However, we don’t have to do this alone. And it’s so important that we surround ourselves with other people with different experiences that can share those experiences with each other. And then we can learn from them. So showing up today is part of the battle.
Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:00:58]:
You need to show up. You gotta show up for your kids, but you also gotta show up for yourself and you have to be willing to learn because none of us have the perfect playbook when it comes to raising our kids. We have to be open to hearing, listening, and learning from other dads because you know what? They probably have some things they can share. And that’s important. It’s really important that we’re able to learn and grow from each other in that way. That’s why every week I love being able to bring you different dads from with different experiences that are able to share those experiences with you so that you can add some new tools to your own toolbox. And today we’ve got another great guest with us today. Brent Dowlen of The Fallible Man podcast is with us today, and I’m really excited to be able to have Brent with us.
Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:01:45]:
Brent is a father of 2 daughters, and I’m really excited to get to know him a little bit more. Let you get to know him a little bit more and learn a little more about his own fatherhood journey. Brent, thanks so much for being here today.
Brent Dowlen [00:01:57]:
Chris, thanks for having me on. I’m really excited to be here. I don’t get to talk about being a daddy, a daughter, daddy very often.
Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:02:02]:
Well, I’m excited to have you on. And what I wanna do is I wanna turn the clock back in time again. And I know you’ve got 2 daughters, so I’m gonna go all the way back. You said you have a 10 year old and a 12 year old. So I want to go back. Maybe let’s say it’s 13 years, might be 12 and a half years. But I want to go back to that first moment that you found out that you were going to be a dad to to a daughter. What was going through your head?
Brent Dowlen [00:02:21]:
Well, Chris, I didn’t actually know I was gonna have a daughter until she was born. My wife and I went the old fashioned route with both our children, had no idea what we were having because I determined a long time ago that I was just hoping for a healthy kid. So many dads find out right off the bat there’s something wrong with their kid, and and that’s such a hard reality. So my wife had on the side, and we were just glad if our kid was healthy, then we had already won, and it didn’t really matter what it was. So but the doctor put my daughter in my arms for the first time. I did the full tilt thing. I was in the delivery room, and I cut the umbilical cord. And, man, I wish I don’t know that there are words for that moment when they put your first child in your arms.
Brent Dowlen [00:03:01]:
We were a little terrified. My daughter was 3 and a half weeks early, and she was very small. And right off the bat, like, I’m a fairly big guy. I’m 6 foot. I’ve lifted weights most of my life. And so I’m I’m a fairly husky, big fella. And I was so terrified when they put this beautiful little thing in my hands, and she wasn’t the length of my forearm. And I was just, like, looking at this little thing going, oh, wow.
Brent Dowlen [00:03:25]:
It’s real now. This little life is dependent on me, and I’m terrified and thrilled all at the same time.
Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:03:31]:
So talk to me about that fear because I’ve talked to lots of dads and a lot of dads say they have fear. Not only fear of just being a father, but especially when it came to being a father of a daughter, sometimes there’s fear that is different than having a son or in just becoming a father in general. What would you say has been your biggest fear in raising your daughters?
Brent Dowlen [00:03:55]:
That I could live up to setting the bar high enough. From the moment I first looked at my oldest, Abby, I thought I’ve gotta get it together, man. Because so I have a background in working with kids and youth ministry, particularly in church. To youth minister, I grew up in the church working with children’s groups. I was I taught children’s bible church and all that stuff growing up. And from the time I was probably in junior high, I started working with younger kids. And it’s interesting working with other people’s kids, but then all of a sudden, this is a real moment because you’ve seen mistakes other parents have made. Right? And everybody thinks they have a clue until right? Everybody has an opinion about parenting until you have your own children.
Brent Dowlen [00:04:35]:
And then you’re like, wow. What a jerk I was. But I had this dawning fear. I was like, how can I possibly become enough, fast enough? Because I knew that my daughters are gonna find a guy just like me. And that terrifies me because I was not a great guy my whole life. And so immediately this fear of how can I live up to setting the bar high enough that one day my daughter’s gonna bring home a guy that’s not a total dirtbag? Because I know, like, I was not the prize to bring home for some dads. I’m I’m sure I made some dads a little bit grayer, a little bit older. So that was the big fear.
Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:05:15]:
Talk to me about that because you went through a transition for yourself. You talked about the fact that you were not always the prize to bring home, that you weren’t the model man for yourself and for others, let’s say. At some point, your daughters may find that out. And have you thought about that? And what are you going to say to your daughters about who you were versus who you are now?
Brent Dowlen [00:05:40]:
You know, Chris, actually, this conversation, I’ve started really early with my children. We have been very transparent with the way we raise our kids. Like, my my children, I have scars all over my body. Like, I have I have found every way to hurt myself along the way. Right? So I have all these scars all over my body. I I lived very fast paced, lots of accidents, lots of mistakes, lots of injuries to prove it over the years. And so my daughters love to hear the stories about the scars. Right? They’ll pick a random scar.
Brent Dowlen [00:06:07]:
They don’t remember the story from. Or and so I’ve been very upfront the whole time when my daughter’s gone. Yeah. I was stupid. I I made some horrible choices. This was one of those dumb things where God smiled on me and I lived through it regardless of how dumb it was at the moment. And so I’ve tried to be, of course, age appropriate. Right? We haven’t gone into some of the dirtbag choices I’ve made along the way.
Brent Dowlen [00:06:31]:
But as it has become more age appropriate, I’m very open to talking to my children about mistakes I’ve made and about choices I made along my life. And I’m very quick to own up to this was a bad choice. Like, I was in a bad place and making really bad choices. I got into drugs and alcohol for a while and made some poor choices there. And so I’ve been very forthright about that because one of the things I did take in from being a youth minister into being a dad was kids will cling to transparency. You you can’t outlive everything you’ve ever done. And so many people lie to kids throughout their whole life that you don’t have to be perfect. But if you can be honest, if your kids can see that you are honest with them and that you don’t pretend to have all the answers, that you’re not perfect, that you make mistakes, I’m quick to apologize for things, then there’s that that they cling to you because they know if nothing else in your life and their lives, you’re real.
Brent Dowlen [00:07:32]:
I’m the one who gets to hold my children during shots and stuff like that. I have their whole life. I remember going to get shots from my oldest and she said, daddy, is it gonna hurt? I said, yeah, baby, it’s gonna hurt, but it’s only gonna hurt for a minute. And I’m right here with you and we’re gonna breathe through it like you and I have practiced because I was already teaching her how to breathe through pain before that. I’ve always been very quick because I have racked up the injuries to teach them this is this is how we get through it. We breathe deep. We stay calm. We focus on our breathing.
Brent Dowlen [00:08:00]:
And so I held her arms against her chest and it hurt for a second. And then within a couple of breaths, it was gone. Right? But there was no, oh, oh, it’s just a little, you know, none of that nonsense. Just this is who we are. And it’s been it’s been effective for me so far.
Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:08:18]:
You know, you talked about that fear that you had at the very beginning. And in raising your daughters and raising kids is not always easy. There’s going to be ups and downs and they’re gonna throw your curve balls along the way and you’re gonna have to learn and kind of be able to pivot as you move along. What’s been the hardest part for you in being a father to a daughter?
Brent Dowlen [00:08:43]:
I have a very logic based outlook on life and approach to things. I I won’t say I’m closed off emotionally, but I have lived through some really dark spots in my life over the years. And so softening up from time to time because I don’t want to teach them not to deal with their emotions, but it’s also hard sometimes for me to realize, wait, we’re processing an emotion now. I need to let this happen. I need to let them feel that and not try and make it okay right away. And sometimes I’m bad at recognizing those things because I deal with a lot of emotional stuff at a very, just logical ones and zeros. My brain is very quick to go. Okay.
Brent Dowlen [00:09:28]:
I’m experiencing and feeling this is a reaction to something. Is it gonna help me right now? Is it not gonna help me right now? If it’s not gonna help me right now, I shut it down very quickly until there’s a better time to deal with it. I still will go back and deal with that, but I look at it from a very exploded diagram view. I start analyzing it immediately and breaking down what’s going on, and what I need to do to adjust instead of feeling it and experiencing it. I tend to analyze through it and process things that way. And so with daughters, they’re gonna feel things. Your children have very different personalities. My 12 year old, she’s like me, she wants to carry the weight of the world on her shoulders.
Brent Dowlen [00:10:06]:
And so learning to understand when she’s processing something, as opposed to my newly 10 year old, who she’s very emotions are on the sleeve. Right? So learning to recognize their emotional needs and responses has been probably one of the bigger pain points for me because it’s very easy for me to go and it’s not a, I’m a guy thing. I’ve always been that way. Like, I was a klutzy kid. I had a lot of sinus issues. And so my depth perception was skewed when I was congested. And so I had already had stitches multiple times by the time I was 6. Like, I’ve been beating myself up for a long time.
Brent Dowlen [00:10:45]:
My head looks like a topographical map. And so I learned very early to sort the fear and the emotion out of situations. Sometimes just for the sake of survival. I had to deal with a couple moments of if I lose it now, if I can’t stay focused and clear, I’m gonna die before I can get to help. And so I’ve been this way for a very long time, and it’s very different with daughters because, yep, you’re gonna experience your emotions and their emotions and the emotions they inflict on everybody else.
Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:11:14]:
You know, you talked about the fact that kids are different, and they have different personalities. And when you add more than one kid to the mix, you gotta deal with it. And you’ve already talked about the fact that one of your kids wears her emotion on her sleeves, the other one wears it on their shoulders. And you have to be able to show up for both types of kids, both personalities. You have to build those unique relationships with each and try to find that common ground. Talk to me about that. How have you been able to build that those unique bonds with each of your kids, even though they’re very different personalities, very different people, and you have to treat them differently in that way?
Brent Dowlen [00:11:56]:
That’s honestly one of the fun parts, I think, about being a dad, girl dad. So my oldest, we process things. She processes things much closer to the way I do. So in learning to deal with her and and her emotional needs, I found she wants to get involved with things. Right. So we go for walks. Like she gets up with me at 4, 4:30 in the morning and we go walk 2 miles on a regular basis. And that is how she connects with me.
Brent Dowlen [00:12:25]:
And really that one on one time she wants to connect and walk, but not be, it’s our own doing. My wife was a tomboy. And so both of us would actually tend to go to the male characteristic of dealing with emotions and communicating and that’s side by side as opposed to face to face. And so Abby is much more likely to talk to me while we’re out walking or she likes to fish. I hate fishing. I suck at fishing, but I have learned to go fishing because my 12 year old loves to go fishing. So we go fishing regularly. I got all the good fishing gear.
Brent Dowlen [00:12:58]:
My brother and I took him camping when they were a couple years younger, and they had such a great time. He’s a big mountain guy. Like, he’s mister mountain kinda thing. So he took him fishing and she’s been fishing ever since. And we got back from that trip and I went, okay. And I went to Walmart and I found a nice older gentleman on the fishing aisle. And I said, I don’t know anything about fishing, but my daughter likes it and I wanna be able to take her. So what do I need to know? And he had a great time teaching me what I need to know to take her fishing.
Brent Dowlen [00:13:25]:
It’s side by side. It’s while we’re fishing. It’s while we’re walking. That’s how she wants to process. And she does better. Like, she has a better outlook. She stays more positive. She processes things more if I keep her doing things like that.
Brent Dowlen [00:13:38]:
So part of me going for walks in the morning has to do with me trying to stay somewhat healthy. Part of it is I wouldn’t trade that time for anything Cause that is solid gold time. The youngest one, she wants to cuddle still. At 10, she is very her safe place and both of them to this day at 10 and 12. Like I had both of them, one on each side of me last night, just wrapped under my arms on the couch because daddy is still the safe place. I’m loving that part of being a dad that they’re still at 10 and 12, that’s where they wanna be. When they’re tired, when they’re exhausted, they wanna be right up next to me. But my 10 year old, she wants to be much more snuggly when she’s processing stuff.
Brent Dowlen [00:14:15]:
She needs the quiet. She needs the face to face. She just wants to be held and listened to. She went with me to run an errand the other day and talked. We drove an hour. The closest Home Depot is like 45 minutes away from me. So she talked all the way there and all the way back and told me about these books she’s reading. And I loved listening to her talk about it because as she’s talking about those books, she’s talking about things she read in those books that she wants to understand, that she’s identifying with.
Brent Dowlen [00:14:47]:
And so there, I hear about it with her, but then it’s afterwards in the face to face moments, in the quiet moments when it’s just us that she wants to dig into that stuff. So I feel like winning because my kids wanna talk to me.
Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:15:00]:
I love that. And it changes as they get older, but it’s so important when you have those opportunities to take advantage of them, especially as they’re young. But even as they get older, if they’re willing to give you the time, you take it. Because as they get older, they’re gonna pull away a little bit more. And if you’ve built those strong relationships now, it’s what’s going to pave the way for the future.
Brent Dowlen [00:15:23]:
I’m actually really excited about the future. Like, everybody’s like, just wait till they’re teens. I spent 20 years of my life working with teens. Like, that’s my forte. It was this this when they’re young and can’t communicate, that drove me nuts as dad. Like, that was the hardest part about being a dad was when they’re too little to tell you what’s hurting or what’s making them feel bad or what’s like, I was losing my mind. I punched a hole in the wall one day because it’s like, oh, right. I felt so powerless, but I’m looking forward to the teen years just because it’s like, I understand that age group and that it’s gonna be exciting.
Brent Dowlen [00:15:57]:
My oldest is gonna make me old really quickly.
Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:15:59]:
I tell people that the gray that you see in my hair is not because I’m old. It’s because I have daughters. So I don’t know that that’s really the case, but I can joke about. So one of the things I wanted to talk to you about is you’ve got a great resource out there that you’ve developed over the last few years and called The Fallible Man and The Fallible Man podcast. And congratulations, you’re just going to be putting out, or actually by the time that this goes out, you’re going to have passed that 300th episode, which is amazing. So I guess I wanna go back in time and tell me the story of The Fallible Man because podcasting is not easy. It takes time. It takes a lot of time.
Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:16:38]:
It takes a lot of effort. And you gotta be pretty passionate about the topic to be able to keep it going for so long. So talk to me about The Fallible Man. What made you decide that you wanted to jump into this and put all this blood, sweat, and tears into it for as long as you have to put all this content and information out there for the masses?
Brent Dowlen [00:16:58]:
You know, it’s funny because I told this story many times. And there are still days I question my own story on this. It’s like, is that really what was driving me at the time? So The Powell Man, we started in 2020. And it really started with I had the sense of urgency that I needed to start to impact people. I told you I have a background in ministry, and I left ministry several years ago now about 18. And but I grew up around it. My dad was a preacher. And so it been ingrained my whole life.
Brent Dowlen [00:17:30]:
I feel like I need to serve people and impact people in a positive way. It’s why I got into youth ministry. And we had several female friends. We used to have about 14 people over every single week, 14 to 16, One night a week, all our friends would come up, just show up at our house. And we’d cook the main meal, and people would bring stuff. We kept pot pot pota kinda meal because it got too expensive because we were going out to a restaurant. It’s this nice Italian place once a week, every week. And it just got too expensive for everybody, so we moved to my house.
Brent Dowlen [00:17:58]:
But I would listen to our female friends get frustrated about their boyfriends or their husbands. And I started becoming the translator for them. They’d be like, oh, he’s doing this. I was like, that’s not what’s actually happening. You understand that. Right? They’re like, no. And so I would start translating for these guys who usually weren’t there and didn’t really know how to translate what they were doing or what was actually happening to this young woman. And I actually had people prodding me to write a book for women about men.
Brent Dowlen [00:18:28]:
And I was like and this was before the term mansplaining became popular, but it’s like all the warning lights went off. I’m like, nope. Nope. That’s just gonna end badly. Right? So the years kept going and we had kids. And I started thinking about it because I have I have 7 nieces or no. 9. Nine nieces.
Brent Dowlen [00:18:45]:
Between the two sides of the family, I have 9 nieces. There’s a lot of girls in my life. And I have some that are my on my side of the family because I’m the baby. My oldest brother’s daughters are now all in their twenties. One of them is almost 30, and I’ve watched them grow up. Right? And I watch all these teenage girls I worked with, and I’m watching my younger nieces now. I’m looking at this like, how do I make an impact for them? And then my daughters came along. And I was like, how do I make an impact that can truly do something for them? And like a lot of dads, when I became a dad, I kinda started on this journey of self improvement because I was terrified I wasn’t going to be able to set a good enough example for my kids.
Brent Dowlen [00:19:25]:
And so I started down this journey for myself and eventually it led me to it was like, well, that’s what I can do, is I can help other men who are somewhere on that journey. And so part of it was this need to impact people in a positive way. And then how do I solve this other problem of how do I help young men, especially in a time where there are more and more men growing out without positive male role models in the home? For whatever reasons, no no judgments on that’s not that’s not my place. For whatever reason, there are a lot of young men growing up without positive male role models in the home. And I was on a forum just the other day on Reddit and I wanted to cry reading this post. And it’s like, we have no one to show us how to be men because y’all have can’t agree on what that even is at this point. What masculinity is supposed to look like. And I’m reading is like this was maybe 2 days ago.
Brent Dowlen [00:20:16]:
I was reading this forum. And it’s like, this is why I’m doing this. Because I can’t help everyone. But how can I reach the most people to encourage men who are on that journey to grow into their best selves, whether they had a good influence or they had a bad influence, there becomes time when you decide to do it for yourself? So how do I help those guys? And so I started my show and then I started having guests on to fill in the gaps that I couldn’t necessarily talk about, but it started with my journey trying to become the best version of me. So that’s my daughter c. And then, how can I help other men make that journey, so that one of these days, there are positive male role models influencing the next generation, the next generation because that’s gonna affect my daughters and their children?
Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:21:05]:
So you’ve put out there 300 episodes. You’ve met a lot of people. And I’m sure that along the way, you’ve learned a lot, not only about yourself, but about what you were just talking about in regards to what men need right now. And some of that’s subjective. I’m gonna be very honest about that because there’s many people that have probably many different thoughts on what masculinity should be, ought to be, could be, etcetera. Talk to me about your biggest takeaways. Looking back at 300 episodes, looking back at 300 interviews, 300 conversations, and what’s been the biggest takeaways for you that you think that all men need to know to be able to connect better either with themselves, with other men, and to be that better version of themselves that they want to be.
Brent Dowlen [00:21:58]:
You know, I wanted to be a place that’s why I called it the fallible man. I wanted to be upfront that I was on a journey. I didn’t ever wanna come across as the guy who had all the answers because that’s an immediate turn off. Right? That that that’s all crap. No one no one has all the answers. No one has it perfect. I’m very quick to share my failings with my audience because that’s an incredibly important part of the journey for any of us. And I’ve wrestled with and reformed on this question so many times, Chris.
Brent Dowlen [00:22:26]:
Like, I am constantly at war with this question in my head, adjusting what I think is crucial, what I think is the ultimate, how do I get that down to really bite sized pieces for people. And I think where I’m at right now is this. All men were born for a purpose. You inherently have worth because you’re you’re a person. You’re born, therefore, you have worth. But you are born for a purpose, and your mission is to find a way to that purpose. Because once men are very mission oriented and once you find what that purpose is for you, it clarifies your other choices. It gives you direction.
Brent Dowlen [00:23:06]:
It gives you meaning. And once you start to live in alignment with that, everything else just seems easier. But we all have a unique purpose. Right? Because we all are unique individuals with our own back stories, our own experiences in lives, the personalities, the people who have influenced us, make us all very unique in the way we deal with things, and the way we process emotions and thoughts and feelings. And so you uniquely have something to offer the world that is a great value. And for men, finding that purpose and trying to pull everything else into alignment with them, well, that is probably one of the most critical things they can do because once you find that, everything else gets easier. You gain so much clarity on the direction you wanna go with things. It makes decisions easier because it either falls in line with that or it doesn’t.
Brent Dowlen [00:23:53]:
And men need a sense of direction and purpose to really flourish. I’ve had so many people, like, I go out of my way. You will not come to my podcast and find a bunch of guys thumping their chest and grunting and saying men’s men men. Right? I’m a fairly, quote, unquote, stereotypically masculine guy. I ride a motorcycle. I shoot guns. I was in military briefly. I lift weights.
Brent Dowlen [00:24:17]:
I have a beard. I usually have a mohawk. I mean, I’m none of that is masculinity. None of it. That is not it. And so I rail against that on my podcast. I am interested in men who actually want to be men. And that looks there are a lot of common attributes, but it has nothing to do with the physicality.
Brent Dowlen [00:24:34]:
Yes. If you have a certain physicality, some people will take you more seriously. But I’ve had the privilege of knowing some elite elite soldiers over the years. I intermingled with a lot of special forces guys over the years. I had a navy seal who was cross training into another program in a different branch of military, and he was nothing to look at. Right? He wasn’t a big guy. He wasn’t all jacked. He didn’t have this huge physical presence from his physicality, but he had a presence that was undeniable because of who he was and the confidence in which he carried himself.
Brent Dowlen [00:25:07]:
And that came from he had a purpose and a mission and a direction and he lived in alignment with that. It’s who he was. So I think for a lot of men, just finding that purpose, and then I may be one of the first guys you’ll hear say it is learning humility. If you find your purpose and start living in alignment with that and can embrace humility, because it takes strength to be humble. Humility is not a weakness. Humility comes from a place of strength. But if you can have the humility to go, I have room to grow. I don’t have all the answers.
Brent Dowlen [00:25:38]:
Right. Then you can grow. Then you can live in alignment with that purpose and those beliefs and those ideals that you value. And you can live your best life because you have to get into that growth mindset of I’m here. I didn’t hate who I was when I became a dad, but I looked at who I was and I went, what is the bar I wanna set for my children? I want them to see me make mistakes. I want them to see me own those mistakes. I want them to see me struggle and grow because I want them to know the journey is worthwhile. And so, yeah, finding your purpose as a man, I think is critical because it makes everything clearer.
Brent Dowlen [00:26:12]:
And then embracing that humility because not because you’re weak, but because you’re strong enough to go, I can be better. I can do more.
Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:26:19]:
And what are some of the first steps that you would recommend that someone take to find that purpose for themselves?
Brent Dowlen [00:26:26]:
Hindsight is a huge blessing. I think it’s actually a lot easier for guys who have a few more years than some younger guys. I think that’s why it takes so long for some of us to find our purpose and direction because you need that hindsight. But you have to have enough hindsight. You have to have that 50,000 foot view sometimes. For a long time, I thought I was supposed to go into ministry, and I ran from it. Before I finally went into ministry, I ran from, I have my own Jonah story. But years later, looking back with that 50,000 foot view, it wasn’t necessarily ministry I needed to be in.
Brent Dowlen [00:26:56]:
That was just the way I understood to express that need, that purpose for me. I have a gift in helping other people grow and rise, mentoring other people. And I see that because I look back over I started working when I was 16 years old. 44 now. I’ve had a wide array of jobs because I could never stay anywhere because I was bored with them. But everywhere I’ve ever gone, I always end up being a trainer or a teacher in the group. My last big company I worked for, I was the lead trainer for our entire division. Part of my job wasn’t what I got to do full time, but it was part of my job.
Brent Dowlen [00:27:27]:
I wrote all of the documentation. I did all the onboarding. I trained all the new people. I went and set up new sites. The job I had before that, oh, I ended up training people. The job I had before that, totally different industry. I got all the new people with me because they trusted me to train them. And so as I started looking back, it’s like, okay, no matter what I do, and I’ve also been a personal trainer, no matter what I do, it always comes back to working with people to grow in an area where they wanna grow.
Brent Dowlen [00:27:55]:
And so, and I can look back over years years years of my life now at 44 and go, wow. That’s what it’s been every place I’ve been. It doesn’t matter what I do. That’s where I end up. And it’s like, okay. So maybe my talents and gifts and purpose all align with teaching people or helping people grow. Right? Because as a personal trainer, I love to be in a personal trainer because I was so excited for every half step forward for any of my clients. I relished in them hitting goals and overcoming things that were trying to get past.
Brent Dowlen [00:28:25]:
I specialized in working with people who are usually working around an injury or recovering from an injury, and I loved helping them gain that back. Right? Just to see them thrive. I trained so many people in the IT industry to watch them take better jobs, better positions after I trained them. And I was happy for all of them. I was never mad when they left because I had to train somebody else. I was thrilled that they got a better position for better pay. And so I think age gives you a lot of benefit when you have that. Now when you’re younger in your twenties, you’re still trying to figure out a lot of things.
Brent Dowlen [00:28:55]:
You’re still experiencing life. You don’t have that experience to look back over with that 50,000 foot view. But I would encourage people to look at it and go, okay. This is what I like to do, but what is it I truly love about doing that? Not so much, yeah, I’d like to do this or I like to do that. Yeah. But really dig deep in that. My as my mentor, Dai, told me, what’s the why beneath the why beneath the why? Six times. That was the minimal rule.
Brent Dowlen [00:29:24]:
Six times. Why? Okay? Why? Right? Six times deep minimal with him. And in your twenties, that’s what you really gotta do is, okay, I really love doing this. Like, I’m passionate about doing this, but why am I passionate about doing that? What aspect of this am I really truly passionate about? What really gets me out of bed? And then you can start to see once you get to that aspect, you can kinda zoom out a little bit and start to see what about that is it moving me? Okay. When I was younger, did that move me? Would I be interested in this because I would get to do that? It’s not quite the experience take, but I it’s probably the easiest direction to go in your younger years.
Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:30:01]:
Now we always finish our interviews with what I like to call our fatherhood 5, where I ask you 5 more questions to delve deeper into you as a dad. Are you ready?
Brent Dowlen [00:30:08]:
Oh, I don’t know, but we’ll see.
Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:30:09]:
In one word, what is fatherhood?
Brent Dowlen [00:30:11]:
Blessing.
Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:30:12]:
When was the time that you finally felt like you succeeded in being a father to a daughter?
Brent Dowlen [00:30:18]:
I’ll let you know when I get there.
Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:30:19]:
If I was to talk to your daughters, how would they describe you as a dad?
Brent Dowlen [00:30:23]:
Present.
Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:30:23]:
And 10 years from now, what do you want them to say?
Brent Dowlen [00:30:25]:
That we never had any question that dad was always there for us, that we were a priority.
Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:30:30]:
Now, who inspires you to be a better dad?
Brent Dowlen [00:30:33]:
My father. Because my dad passed. It’s almost been 3 years now. But to the day he died, I never once questioned. My father loved me, that I was a priority to him, that he always had my back.
Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:30:45]:
Now you’ve given a lot of piece of advice today. A lot of things that you’ve learned along the way. Not only learned in your own journey, but learned from other men and other people. What’s one piece of advice you’d wanna give to every dad?
Brent Dowlen [00:30:56]:
20 years from now, your boss won’t care about how many hours you worked. Your children will never ever ever forget that they were your priority.
Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:31:05]:
Now if people want to find out more about you, more about the fallible man, where should they go?
Brent Dowlen [00:31:09]:
The easiest place to go would be the falliblemanpodcast.com. You can get on our mailing list. You can check out the podcast via the YouTube video, your favorite audio player. I’ve got 7 links out to your favorite audio as well as being embedded, and see what we’re doing and what we’re about, and if it’s something you’re interested in.
Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:31:26]:
And we’ll put links in the notes today so that you can find that for yourself and check it out and and hear some of the 300 plus episodes that Brent has already put out there and that he’ll keep putting out there to help other men be better men. Brent, I just wanna say thank you. Thank you for being here. Thank you for what you’re doing to be able to engage men in these conversations, but also to engage in the process of being able to work on themselves to become those men that they wanna be. Thank you for being here. Thanks for what you’re doing, and I wish you all the best.
Brent Dowlen [00:31:57]:
Thanks, Chris.
Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:31:58]:
If you’ve enjoyed today’s episode of the Dads with Daughters podcast, we invite you to check out the Fatherhood Insider. The fatherhood insider is the essential resource for any dad that wants to be the best dad that he can be. We know that no child comes with an instruction manual and most dads are figuring it out as they go along, and the fatherhood insider is full of resources and information that will up your game on fatherhood. Through our extensive course library, interactive forum, step by step road maps, and more, you will engage and learn with experts, but more importantly, dads like you. So check it out at fathering together dot org. If you are a father of a daughter and have not yet joined the dads with daughters Facebook community, there’s a link in the notes today. Dads with daughters is a program of fathering together. We look forward to having you back for another great guest next week, all geared to helping you raise strong and empowered daughters and be the best dad that you can be.
Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:32:57]:
We’re all in the same boat, and it’s full of tiny screaming passengers. We spend the time, We give the lessons. We make the meals. We buy them presents and bring your a game. Because those kids are growing fast, the time goes by just like a dynamite blast. Calling astronauts and firemen, carpenters, and muscle men, get out and beat the world to them. Be the best dad you can be. Be the best that you can be.
