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Balancing Family Life and Professional Responsibilities as a Dad with Daughters
Fatherhood presents a unique set of challenges and joys, each intertwined with the fabric of daily life. In this week’s Dads with Daughters podcast, we welcome Ryan Moore, a bi-vocational pastor and school counselor and father, who shares his journey of raising five daughters while balancing his professional commitments. This insightful episode delves deep into the nuances of fatherhood, mental well-being, and the nurturing of relationships.
Growing Up with Sisters:
An Early Advantage Ryan Moore’s upbringing played a significant role in shaping his perspective on fatherhood. Growing up with two sisters and no brothers in a foreign country provided him with a unique advantage: an intrinsic understanding of others’ thoughts and feelings. This background laid the foundation for his empathetic approach to parenting, allowing him to be more attuned to his daughters’ needs.
“I had to be more intentional with my word choice and approach,” Ryan shares, emphasizing the importance of intentional communication. This deliberate gentleness has been pivotal in his journey of raising daughters, helping him engage effectively and avoid the stereotypical “male responses” that might inadvertently harm them.
The Importance of Healthy Relationships
One of Ryan’s primary hopes for his daughters is for them to cultivate healthy relationships. Having struggled with unhealthy relationships in his past, Ryan deeply values the importance of faith and strong, nurturing connections. He aspires for his daughters to develop bonds that are nourished by mutual respect and love, both within the family and beyond.
As a bi-vocational pastor, he integrates his faith into daily family life, ensuring that his daughters understand the value of spirituality and compassion. His wife’s organizational skills and passion for helping people further reinforce this environment, creating a home where every member feels supported and valued.
Navigating Professional Challenges and Personal Well-being
Ryan Moore’s role at Oxford Virtual Academy and as a former counselor at Oxford High School has had its share of challenges. The tragic shootings at Oxford High School took a significant toll on his mental well-being, making it difficult to transition back to family life. “Coping with such trauma requires a conscious effort,” he notes, underscoring the importance of mental health for fathers.
To manage stress and maintain a work-life balance, Ryan introduced weekly board game nights. These gatherings not only serve as a fun family activity but also help develop critical skills in his children, such as risk assessment and spatial thinking. Additionally, the Moore family indulges in month-long road trips during the summer, exploring national parks and cultural sites to reconnect and rejuvenate.
Embracing a New Adventure:
The Africa Mercy Ship A significant upcoming chapter for Ryan and his family involves joining the Africa Mercy ship for a two-year term. As chaplain, Ryan will provide spiritual support and counseling for the crew, while his daughters, Evangeline and Seyla, attend the onboard Mercy Academy. This move, inspired by his childhood experiences in Germany and his faith journey, marks a thrilling yet daunting transition for the Moore family.
The Africa Mercy ship, operated by Mercy Ships, delivers essential medical care, including surgeries and rehabilitation, to communities in Madagascar and Sierra Leone. Ryan is particularly excited about the opportunity to serve in a global mission, reflecting his long-standing passion for helping others.
Fatherhood as Mentorship:
A Heartfelt Insight In the “Fatherhood Five,” a segment of the podcast, Ryan describes fatherhood as “mentorship.” He cherishes every hug from his daughters, seeing these moments as markers of his success as a father. Inspired by his faith and his own father, Ryan aims to instill confidence in his children, reminding fellow dads that perfection is impossible, but love is crucial.
He advises, “You’ll never be fully ready. Just love on your kids and acknowledge your imperfections.” This authentic and heartfelt approach encapsulates Ryan’s philosophy on parenting, offering invaluable wisdom for dads navigating the complexities of raising daughters in today’s world.
Ryan Moore’s journey, as shared on the “Dads with Daughters” podcast, offers a wealth of insights for fathers everywhere. His experiences highlight the importance of empathetic communication, maintaining mental well-being, fostering healthy relationships, and embracing new adventures with faith and courage. As Ryan and his family prepare for their voyage with the Africa Mercy ship, his story stands as a testament to the profound impact of intentional and loving fatherhood.
TRANSCRIPT
Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:00:05]:
Welcome to dads with Daughters. In this show, we spotlight dads, resources, and more to help you be the best dad you can be.
Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:00:16]:
Welcome back to the Dance with Daughters podcast where we bring you guests to be active participants in your daughter’s lives, raising them to be strong, independent women. Really excited to have you back again this week. As always, every week, I love being able to sit down, talk to you, walk with you on this journey that you’re on. You know, I’ve got 2 daughters. I know that you’ve got daughters as you’re listening. And I’m hoping that every week as you’re listening, you’re taking some notes, you’re jotting some things down, you’re learning some things and you’re finding some things that you can take for yourself that might help you in this journey that you’re on because you don’t have to do this alone. I’ve said that over and over and over again, and I’ll keep saying it. We don’t have to father alone.
Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:00:57]:
You don’t have to man up. You don’t have to act like you know everything because none of us know everything when we walk into fatherhood, we have to learn it along the way. And that’s what this podcast is all about. This podcast is all about helping each of us to be able to find that path that we want to walk on, but also to be able to learn from others that have walked on the path before us, but also are walking alongside us that are doing things and maybe a little bit different way than we might be doing that we can learn from grow from, and maybe take some things along the way from that can help us in that journey that we’re on. Every week I love being able to bring you different guests, different dads that are walking this journey in a little bit different way that have different resources, different opportunities, different things that they can share with you. And today we’ve got another great guest. Ryan Moore is with us today. Ryan is a father of 5 and definitely a father of daughters.
Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:01:50]:
So we’re going to be talking to him about his own journey and his journey as a father to daughters and learn a little bit more about him. Ryan, thanks so much for joining us today.
Ryan Moore [00:02:00]:
Thanks, Chris. Yeah. Good to see you again. And I love what you’re doing with the show. And, yeah, I love your vision for why you’re doing this. It’s very cool.
Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:02:06]:
Well, I love that we’re able to reconnect and to be able to talk about fatherhood. I wanna turn the clock back in time to that first moment that you found out that you were gonna be a dad to a daughter. This is especially after having 3 sons.
Ryan Moore [00:02:19]:
Oh, yeah.
Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:02:20]:
What was going through your head?
Ryan Moore [00:02:22]:
Oh, boy. Well, I didn’t realize it right at first, but it was going to be a huge shift. The old saying is, every guy wants a son, but every man needs a daughter. And the biggest difference in my thinking was that with my boys, they’re just little clones of me. And so when they’re getting into stuff, you know, we knock each other around. We go on these adventures. And I almost imagine that I understand exactly what they’re going through at any given moment in time because I’ve been there. But the moment that I started having daughters, everything’s different.
Ryan Moore [00:02:54]:
I mean, all of a sudden, I don’t know how to change a diaper again. I don’t know how to respond to crises. I don’t understand why feelings are popping up. And I think that was palpable from, I think, right away, even. Like once I knew we were I was about to have a daughter, I knew, okay, this is going to be a shift. This is gonna be an adventure. And it’s an adventure that I was thrilled about. It was an adventure that my heart just, my heart just swelled with joyful anticipation.
Ryan Moore [00:03:22]:
And yeah, it’s been a wonderful adventure.
Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:03:24]:
Now a lot of dads that I talk to talk about that there is joy, but there’s also some fear. And you had already had 3 boys along the way. So you’d gone through that experience of having children and understanding what it meant to be a father in that perspective. But what would you say was your biggest fear in raising daughters?
Ryan Moore [00:03:45]:
Oh, boy. Somehow my, I don’t know, my maleness or my insensitivity or my, responses to things or the emotions that I carry with me as a guy would somehow arm my child. Like I said with my guys, we knock each other around and and then, you know, we come to like, if if we yell, we yell. If or if we’re playing, we get a little rough. Or if, I have an opinion, they know about it. If they have opinion, I know about it. And then we we work through it, and that’s good. Right? But that somehow I would harm my girls with the same process.
Ryan Moore [00:04:18]:
And, yeah, truly, I I did have to shift. Having daughters forced me immediately to reconsider how intentionally gentle I was being in communication, how intentionally thoughtful I was being with my word choice. Not to say that I didn’t care with my boys, but like I said, they’re little clones of me and I would I just automatically assume that heart to heart and mind to mind, we we get each other. And now that my boys are all adults, we do. We get each other. You know? And, yeah, with my girls, I’ve had to shift. It was definitely a shift. But it made me a better person.
Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:04:54]:
Now from the words that you’re saying in knowing you as well, I can tell that you’re a little more in tune with your feelings, and you’re a little more in tune with who you are as a person. So I’m asking this in the sense of you stepping back and maybe not thinking about all the training that you’ve had over the years as a counselor, as a pastor, etcetera. But as you’re thinking about that for yourself and being in tune with your daughters, what did you have to do? What were the some of those steps that you had to take intentionally that other dads can take as well as they have their daughters or are growing with their daughters and may not be at the same place you were in that training and such?
Ryan Moore [00:05:38]:
Yeah. It’s funny. I am a licensed counselor and therapist and also, minister with the Assemblies of God. And all that to say, all the training and all the studies and and everything, it took me a master’s degree just to get to the point where I was as good of a listener as my wife intuitively was already. So, like, I had to train to be I had to learn skills intentionally to be a good listener. A good illustration of this is my boys, we were not going to give them when we raise them, we had decided that we didn’t want to raise violent children. So we were not going to give them toy guns. We were going to give them creative things, tools, Legos, whatever, building blocks.
Ryan Moore [00:06:21]:
And outside, they would go play. We live on 5 acres, and we kind of have a free range mentality for our kids. Go outside, play in the woods. It’s good for you. And so they would go in the woods and play. At one point, everything became either a lightsaber or a gun. Everything. Every single stick they picked up was a lightsaber or a gun.
Ryan Moore [00:06:42]:
And once we had girls, everything became alive. Everything became a sentient being. Every clump of clay was a little character that had feelings, and every doll had opinions. And as these girls grew up, they grew up thinking about how this doll felt about that bear, And they would share experiences together, and this doll would share its opinion about how the tea tasted to the bear. Whereas, as my boys were growing and my girls were growing, I was watching them play. And as they got older and into teenage worlds, my girls were adapting their play into the real world, where now they’re highly skilled at imagining what other people are thinking and feeling, and they’re able to communicate. And my boys, you know, at the time being, late teens or whatever, were still outside hitting each other with sticks. So it’s like there was this huge difference in the way thinking process naturally developed.
Ryan Moore [00:07:45]:
And I think the same was absolutely true for me. I grew up with 2 sisters and no brothers in a foreign country. And so I think I had a little bit of an advantage in learning how to intuit other people’s thoughts and feelings because that was my core friend group overseas. And so it was a little easier for me, I think. And so I was always interested in trying to understand what other people were thinking and feeling, but it definitely took more skill and intent. And so, yeah, with my girls, I just had to stop and think about rather than just share bluntly what my thought process was on a thing or share bluntly what my opinion was on a thing, there was a certain rule set that benefited them that I had to enter into a certain civility that I had to understand to be able to engage on the level that they appreciated hearing. And that helped me be a much more effective father when I realized that they naturally had this, I guess, rules of engagement that they had worked out that I that I needed to, engage in. And God bless my wife, man, because she had to deal with those poor boys, you know, until I figured out that, okay, okay, I definitely need to, I definitely need to be more intentional with my word choice and my approach.
Ryan Moore [00:09:08]:
And again, I’m a counselor, so so you one would think that that I had the necessary tools to already begin a relationship with that in place. But yeah, no, sadly, I’m still getting there.
Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:09:20]:
Now, as you think back to the time that you’ve had with your daughters thus far, you talked about your fears. What was the hardest part so far in being a father to a daughter?
Ryan Moore [00:09:29]:
I deeply wanted them to each just to be able to engage socially with other people, spiritually with their faith, And if I’m overzealous in any one area or really keen, I worry most about both how they interact with other people and how they interact with their faith and with the Lord. I just deeply want them to have healthy relationships in the way that that I’ve come to have a relationship in my faith, but also healthy relationships with their peers, because I see a lot of pitfalls. And I see that, you know, in my past, in my history, I engage in a lot of unhealthy relationships as a coping mechanism, be it drugs or inappropriately affectionate, too early, or all these different ways of regulating how I feel during difficult times. And so my strategy was be there as their father, be present as a father, be the father figure who dotes on them and loves them and fills them up so they don’t have to go to the world to get that. But then from a position of fullness, help them navigate how to make good friends and how to choose supports that are appropriate and how to choose friend groups that are beneficial and that look out for them. And so, yeah, so that was my fear and my strategy for that. My fear was always, yeah, they’re going to fall in a bad crowd. If I don’t file appropriately, they’re gonna rebel somehow and run into the bad crowd or whatnot.
Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:10:54]:
Now you’ve been very busy in your career, You put a lot of heart and soul into the work that you do. And over the last few years, you’ve been kind of consumed by the work that you do. I should probably step back and say that currently, you do work within the Oxford Schools and have been very involved with helping kids that were impacted by the shootings that did occur on campus at the high school. So with all of that busyness, with all of the things that you put into the person that you are personally, professionally, talk to me about balance and how you have been able to find that balance for yourself to be able to be the father you wanna be while also giving your heart and soul to the work and the other passions that you have.
Ryan Moore [00:11:48]:
Bi vocational pastor for me means that on top of my full time job, I’m teaching Bible classes. I’m teaching I do weddings every now and then, or I do premarital counseling, or I do all these things that a pastor would do on top of the what’s on paper meant to be a 40 hour work week. Now anybody in education knows, Chris is laughing visibly at me right now because he knows where I’m going. Anybody who works with education knows that there’s no such thing as a 40 hour workweek within education because traditionally, boundaries are very blurred between work life and personal life because educators don’t get into education for work life. Educators get into education for personal reasons. Nobody gets into education because of the money. It’s not a business transaction. It’s a passion.
Ryan Moore [00:12:32]:
And so when COVID hit, always in the past, I had been struggling with, do I wanna pursue more administrative pursuits within education, or do I wanna pursue ministry? So I’ve been a school counselor for 20 years and a therapist for 20 years. And I love what I do. I love being able to connect with kids who benefit from the support. I love being able to to help young people figure out how to become a productive citizen or a contributing member to society. I love helping them discover their giftings and their callings and their passions and their skills to figure out, well, how does that practically fit into society? That’s what drives me as a school counselor. That’s what I love doing. I love helping people grow as a young adult. And so very passionate about that.
Ryan Moore [00:13:16]:
During my career, I picked up an an ed specialist degree to pursue public school leadership, And I thought, well, you know what? This is not a fork in the road for ministry versus school leadership because I can use this if I go into ministry, that led to a position of dean of students at Oxford High School. So when I first that led to a position of dean of students at Oxford High School. So when I first started working for Oxford, it was as the dean of students at the high school. And which was great because that position was just dealing with discipline. It was basically enforcement of the school code of conduct was, bottom line, the job description. And what that meant practically was busting into bathrooms to see who’s vaping and and checking backpacks for for vapes and whatnot. And so it put me in touch with, I I feel like, the kids who really needed that one person at the school to care about them. So I felt like I was in a unique position to be very effective in that role.
Ryan Moore [00:14:15]:
But what I missed was the fact that I would not be able to be the person providing that care because I wasn’t in a council role. And I did well in the role for 2 years. I enjoyed a lot of aspects of it. Didn’t enjoy some aspects of it. But after 2 years, I was ready to get back into counseling. So when COVID hit, I shifted back into the counseling role at working for Oxford Virtual Academy, which is one of the schools in the district. And we trade a lot of students back and forth. Oxford Virtual and Oxford High School do.
Ryan Moore [00:14:43]:
And then I also decided that time to begin pursuing my master’s of divinity. And that was kind of the fork in the road for me. And then a year after that is when the shooting happened at Oxford High School. And when the shooting happened at Oxford at Oxford High School. And when the shooting happened at Oxford High School, all of us counselors just dove in head first. And we gave all of our time and all of our energy and all of our passion to helping these kids. And it did take a huge mental toll. When I came home from that, I was not able to really shift well into family life on a day to day as I had previously.
Ryan Moore [00:15:14]:
When I was working as a Dean of Students, I was able to shut it off, right? I was able to, you know, we’re dealing with rules, we’re dealing with violations, and we’re dealing with the person. Okay. You broke a rule. Here’s a consequence. But let’s help let’s help reconnect you. Let’s do some sort of practice. I could leave that alone at the end of the day. It was never so traumatic that it stuck with me as I left the building.
Ryan Moore [00:15:33]:
And there was very little that I would have to do after hours. But when the tragedy struck, it was nonstop. And so that was a huge challenge. 2 of the things, actually, I should say that that helped me out. I always made sure that we had board game night. So growing up, I was kind of a nerd, and I really liked, you know, I liked D and D. I liked, board games. I liked chess.
Ryan Moore [00:15:55]:
I liked, there was this little tabletop game called Hero Quest and march your little guy, your little warrior around to fight orcs and whatnot. You roll your dice and risk access and allies and that stuff. Loved it. Monopoly. So that whole hobby had shifted into some amazing strategy games. And I actually did my ed specialist research on that, on how strategy games can be used to mitigate the educational loss of poverty. That’s a whole different topic. But I decided early on that this would be a good tool to engage with my kids on an intellectual level the whole way growing up.
Ryan Moore [00:16:29]:
Like, so at any developmental level, there is a developmentally appropriate game that allows me to get on their intellectual strategic level. And through these strategy games, we can process risk assessment. We can process basic statistic principles. We can process valuation of things, and we can process geometric and spatial thinking, depending on the game, of tactics and all these metacognitive processes because after the game, we always kind of debrief our strategies. Oh, I could have done this different. And so once a week, we always tried to have a board game night. And so even when things got crazy and rough, we would always try to have some night a week where we would all reconnect. Another is, you know, one of the benefits of working for the schools is that, yeah, we all agree that we’re giving way too much time to a school.
Ryan Moore [00:17:20]:
So summertime, don’t call me. Summertime, I’m not a school counselor. Summertime, I am off the clock. And we disappear. And so we, my family and I had gotten into this amazing pattern of taking month long road trips. A lot of my family is from Canada and a lot of my family has land and cottages up there that we frequently visit. But also there’s this amazing resource that all of us in this country have a free access to, and that’s our national park system. And, so we load up the van and I let the kids pick a destination that they want to explore.
Ryan Moore [00:17:53]:
You wanna go explore mountains? Okay. We’re driving to the Rockies and we’re gonna find some national forests. It’s free to camp in the national forests. So we became, very good at finding spots to explore and hike that didn’t cost anything. You know, 5 kids and a school counselor salary. We needed to run on a budget, and so we really got good at adventures. And so in the summertime, the 7 of us learned how to really, get along in enclosed spaces and do some physically challenging things out in the woods, or, exploring cultural locations, or, just getting to know this country really well. And so they really got to know me on a personal level through those weekly interactions and through the summer.
Ryan Moore [00:18:36]:
And then the third thing is always our church. Regardless of where I’ve gone through, we’ve gone to different churches at different times based on what our family needed and and these different churches had offered. But always we become involved and my, my kids will watch the pattern of involvement that my wife and I present to them. And they’ll learn from that and jump in. And I mean, every church we’ve been to, my kids have been as involved as we are. So, you know, I’m thinking of 1 church where, you know, my girl’s working in the nursery. 1 of my guys is running the sound. 1 of my guys is on stage doing drums.
Ryan Moore [00:19:09]:
And, you know, like every kid I do the school counselor thing, I guess, of trying to figure out where each one’s personality, giftings, and passions can have a place at play in, in a church service or in the operation of a church. And I help them plug in. And so they own the church as much as I do. Right? And so, so faith and church organization actually becomes an extension of my mentorship to these little humans. And again, it just becomes a neat way on a Sunday for them to see who I am and and for them to learn from who I am by doing stuff. But working in the school, yeah, they really want your time. And I think that was probably the biggest decision maker. When I was observing principals and talking specifically with principals about this, I heard the theme, they really want your whole life.
Ryan Moore [00:19:59]:
They really want you to donate all your time. And it’s like, well, gosh, that time belongs to my wife and kids. So how does one reconcile that? Oh, no, no. Your family life is out the window. You’re not allowed to. And so that became one of the biggest things to help me realize that school administration was not the passion that I was going to pursue. But also, I just love teaching the bible, and I love doing all that. So that that that, you know, that that became one of the main reasons I wanted to go into ministry as well.
Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:20:27]:
Some of the things that you were talking about really have led you in a new direction. You’re going to be leaving your current position as a counselor in the school, and you’re going to be moving your entire family onto a ship. You’re going to be getting involved with Mercy Ships and getting involved in a brand new ministry opportunity that is going to take especially you, your partner, and your 2 girls on an adventure overseas. So talk to me a little bit about this and what made you kind of led you into this. I know that when you were a kid, you grew up in Germany and had that cultural experience and I’m sure that that is leading some of this decision making. But talk to me about what led you to now moving into this experience for you, for your family, for your daughters to give them this experience in their lives?
Ryan Moore [00:21:23]:
Yeah. So my dad worked for GM, and so we were in Germany for about 4 years. And when I was in Germany, I was that weird kid with the American accent. And then we moved to Ohio, and I was the weird kid with the German accent. And then we moved to Michigan in high school, and then I was a weird kid with the Ohio accent and slightly German. And, yeah. So, I never quite fit in. And you remember me, Chris.
Ryan Moore [00:21:44]:
In high school, there were 2 Ryan Moores. And one Ryan Moore was, affectionately referred to as the smart Ryan Moore. And I don’t know if you if you remember the nickname that I was given. I don’t mind sharing it. It was the stoner Ryan Moore was the nickname that I was given, because that was how I coped with really challenging feelings. And also, that was the culture that I decided to engage with because I calculated, like, oh, these people are having fun. I know exactly how to engage with that. And so I made a strategic decision to engage with that culture in the way that I did, and it worked.
Ryan Moore [00:22:19]:
It provided me with support and whatnot. But, you know, like, it also left a lot of holes and everything. And then fast forward a little bit, and I had an experience in faith, total conversion of my life, and everything changed. I think you probably knew me right at the crossroads of that time, and so I think my last few years of high school, I was walking a very serious faith as a Christian, and my whole life changed. And and so that was another cultural shift. I lost a lot of friends during that process, and that’s who I am today. My wife and I got married when she was 21 and I was 22. And we both wanted to do ministry work.
Ryan Moore [00:22:55]:
We moved to South Carolina and we visited what was at the time the Caribbean Mercy. The Caribbean Mercy was a hospital ship and their mission was help the lame to walk and to restore the sight to the blind. A a biblical Jesus message. And so they would go all through the Caribbean doing surgeries, removing cataracts, and repairing leg deformities. Just this amazing ministry. We’re like, we’re gonna do this. We wanna do this. And so that’s what we decided we were gonna do as young married couple.
Ryan Moore [00:23:19]:
And then she got pregnant. And so, we had to pause our application, and this is our first kid. And they said, well, you know, have your kid take a couple years and then come back because you don’t want to be pregnant on the ship. Well, in a couple years, obviously, she was pregnant again. And a couple years after that, she was pregnant again. And this kept happening. And, so we moved back to Michigan. I became a counselor, took a job, and we became this all American family where we had a dog, some acreage, and a house, which was never the plan for us.
Ryan Moore [00:23:47]:
And we loved it, though, and we treasured it. And it was amazing, but it was totally not expected from the very beginning. And so, now all of our kids are older, and we’re looking around, and it’s like, you know what? This dream that we had, we can shift again, and this might actually work. And I started talking to my girls about it, and they loved the idea. So as a 3rd culture kid, that’s the term for somebody who, like I did when I moved overseas, I had the culture of origin, which was Ohio, that we moved from to Germany. And then I had the culture of Germany, which was the kids in that neighborhood. And then I had the 3rd culture is the culture that we invent. So which is this group of people that have a similar transient experience, and you can all relate to one another being a third culture kid because this experience of transience, this experience of not belonging, but this instant recognition with other kids who have this cultural, intercultural, inter cross boundary understanding of the world.
Ryan Moore [00:24:45]:
They get you, and you get them right away. And so that was really cool. And I really appreciated that part of my upbringing, because even now, I feel like I just feel like that’s part of my personality, that big changes don’t bother me. I love interacting with cultures that are not my own. I love bridging gaps between various cultures, ethnicities, languages, etcetera. And it’s a joy of mine, and I think a lot of third culture kids experience that. So I wanted some kind of experience like that for my own kids, and now my girls get to do something like that. So my Evangeline, she has a very strong faith, and she loves kids.
Ryan Moore [00:25:19]:
And so she’s been saying things like, I wanna be a missionary, or I wanna be a teacher, or I wanna be a nurse for kids overseas. At one point, she came and was like, dad, wouldn’t it be cool if I was running an orphanage? I’m like, yes. That would be amazing. And so when Mercy Ships now when she thinks about going over there, she’s gonna be observing these nurses that help kids and teachers that work with kids in that kind of setting. And so she’s just through the roof about the opportunities that that will firsthand bring to her. Let me backtrack a little bit. Mercy Ships is now a fleet of 2 ships. The Caribbean Mercy has long been decommissioned.
Ryan Moore [00:25:56]:
And so now it’s the Africa Mercy and the Global Mercy, and these ships are so much bigger than the Caribbean ever was. The Africa Mercy can sleep, I think, 500, and the Global can sleep 600. That’s the newest flagship. But the position I’m taking is chaplain aboard the Africa Mercy, And the Africa Mercy right now is in Madagascar. I think the Global Mercy is in Sierra Leone. And so the Africa Mercy just began her field service in Madagascar. And in May, she’ll begin doing surgeries. And there’s something like 1200 people signed up for surgery currently.
Ryan Moore [00:26:28]:
And so in a 9 month field service, they do all these surgeries, mainly maxillofacial surgeries, or I know they do some dental surgeries. They remove tumors. They fix cleft palates. They’re still doing a lot of the leg work. And then in this 9 month field service, they also do the most of the, or a large portion of the rehab, the physical rehab post surgery. And then during this whole time, they’re also training people on land, training locals to run clinics, and then they donate all of their gear, all of their equipment to these local clinics. So at the end of that field service, you’ve got all these clinics trained for recovery, and then the ship leaves and goes and restocks and picks a new port of call for the next round of field service. Well, there’s gonna be 2 field services in Madagascar back to back this time, And we’ll be joining them towards the end of the first one in July.
Ryan Moore [00:27:17]:
Me as the chaplain and my wife as what’s called the primary caretaker for our girls, which is a required position when you bring kids. But she’s also a hairdresser, and she’s also quite skilled in HR. She’s always done, like, church volunteer coordination. And so she’s very interested in a position on board for helping people onboard and helping people transition into Shiplife. And so that is something that she’s looking forward to doing. But our girls are, they’re very excited. My younger, Sala, she’s the 14 year old. She’s just the easygoing one.
Ryan Moore [00:27:48]:
She’s just the up for anything one. And so right now we started selling all of our stuff. And so it’s starting to feel real. And so the loss of it is starting to hit, right? Because a transition like that is all about a balance between excitement for the new thing, but also loss and mourning for what is disappearing from your life, like all your old friends and all your stuff. And so she’s feeling it now. She’s going up and down. And so, you know, the emotions are coming out of nowhere for both of my girls. I’m just in mission mode right now.
Ryan Moore [00:28:14]:
I’m just in like, go, go, go mode. But they’re in this like, yeah, real excited. But then like, oh no, my friends are, yeah, this is going to be amazing. And then, oh, I’m gonna miss all my stuff. I have to give away 90% of my things. And so it’s a real emotional roller coaster, but still with the theme of hope and joy for the work that’s before us. So they’re still on board. That’s expected as one begins a transition like that.
Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:28:39]:
So talk to me about this journey and how long you’re going to be on it and what your role is going to be, and how your kids are going to be involved in that.
Ryan Moore [00:28:49]:
Okay. So with the surgeries, most of the people on ship are either serving in a ship crew capacity or a medical capacity. And I’ll be taking the chaplain role, which is essentially ship’s pastor for all the crew. So there’s a chaplaincy team for the crew, and then there’s a hospital chaplaincy team for the patients, and I will be one of the chaplain team for the crew. And so I’ll be helping run services on the Sundays. I’ll be doing a lot of counseling. I’ll actually be starting out. My position will be what’s called a chaplaincy counselor, and so I’ll be handling transitions and mental health crises and difficult moments and things like that.
Ryan Moore [00:29:27]:
So and one of the things I’m really excited about there is the fact that there’s 32 nations represented on board. And so the American component is just a small fraction of the crew. Significant portion of the crew is Great Britain, Dutch. There’s a significant African representation, some Asian representation, and some South American representation. 32 different nations. And I think of any church I’ve ever been to. And there’s always conflict because no matter where you go, there’s always people, and, you know, people have conflict. And in church, conflict is dealt with with certain agreements and rules and, you know, the Holy Spirit guiding you.
Ryan Moore [00:30:08]:
And so I’m really interested when you mix in also the communication, ethnic, linguistic, cultural differences of 32 different nations. I’m very excited to, to help bridge that gap. You know, I feel like this is like, gosh, I feel like all the things I’ve ever done, I feel like are going to be used in making this job work. And I don’t know. I just feel like it’s, it’s what I it’s a job I’ve been looking for my whole life, if that makes sense. It’s it’s a dream job. It’s definitely a dream job. And so 2 years, I’ve committed to a 2 year term aboard the Africa Mercy.
Ryan Moore [00:30:42]:
So that’ll be both field services of Madagascar and a 3rd field service yet to be determined location wise. But really, if we love it, we’ll stay. And if they love us, we’ll probably stay. But it it’s hard to predict the future. Right? But I have committed to 2 years. And so in those 2 years, Evangeline will be in her junior and senior year. And, so there’s the African I’m sorry. There’s the, the Mercy Academy, which is an accredited academy both in the States and in Europe.
Ryan Moore [00:31:11]:
And so we could pursue, depending on where she thinks she might want to go to college 2 years from now, we could pursue diploma credentials for either, school setting. And yeah, it’s apparently very rigorous and she’s up for the challenge. And then my younger, Seyla, 14 years old, will be a freshman. So she’ll have her freshman and sophomore years on board. And we’re ready to jump into that. The girls, like I said, they’re very excited. Seyla doesn’t quite know what she wants to study yet, but she’s interested in the nursing, and she’s interested in the medical. And so she was interested in seeing how those careers look and potentially going in that direction in the future.
Ryan Moore [00:31:49]:
But she’s my only one that we really don’t know yet just because she’s happy with everything. So it’ll be interesting to see how that plays out. But my wife, like I said, she’s always gotten into different volunteer organizer roles. Every church we’ve gone to, she’s kind of been the, the one to organize people and, and help them figure out how to plug into different positions. And, she’s excellent at it. And she’s she’s got education in business administration. And so she falls into that role neatly. But more than anything, she likes working with people, and she likes getting to know people.
Ryan Moore [00:32:18]:
So it’s not like she wants to be doing a business thing behind the scenes, but working directly with people to help them figure out how to plug in. So she’s very interested in that. And then when people find out that she’s a hairdresser, as we’re meeting people on ship right now through Zoom meetings and through training meetings online, once they find out she’s a hairdresser, they all kind of go a little bit nuts because they really want a hairdresser on board as well. So I’m sure she will get her arm twisted into that role again. And she loves doing that as well.
Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:32:42]:
Now we always finish our interviews with what I like to call our fatherhood 5, where I ask you 5 more questions to delve deeper into you as a dad. You ready?
Ryan Moore [00:32:49]:
Okay. Let’s go.
Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:32:50]:
In one word, what is fatherhood?
Ryan Moore [00:32:52]:
Mentorship.
Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:32:53]:
When was the time that you finally felt that you succeeded at being a father to a daughter?
Ryan Moore [00:32:57]:
Oh, I think every time they gave me a big old hug. Every time I get a hug from my daughters, I feel like, alright, I’m doing something right.
Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:33:04]:
Now if I was to talk to your daughters, how would they describe you as a dad?
Ryan Moore [00:33:08]:
Oh, they’d hopefully say that I was funny, kind, adventurous, and challenging. I hope.
Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:33:16]:
Now who inspires you to be a better dad?
Ryan Moore [00:33:17]:
Yeah. I mean, you’ve heard me talk about my faith a lot. And, you know, there’s for me, there’s no better example than than how much God loves us. And the biblical example we have of a loving father is is my standard. Gosh. I’ve got my dad is an amazing provider, and my dad is an amazing problem solver. And though our personalities are drastically different and our approaches at things are drastically different, instinctively, growing up, I always knew that no matter how bad things would get, I had a safety net. He would always be there.
Ryan Moore [00:33:49]:
He would always be able to provide. He would always be able to drop everything and rescue me should I should I ask for it? And that has given me a sense of I can do anything. Because at the very least, I know if I totally screw this all up, my dad will take me in. So I strive to be that. I strive to give my my kids a self of confidence in that same way as my dad did and does to say, go out there, do anything. And what’s the worst that can happen? You come back, and I give you a great big hug, and we try again. My dad’s an inspiration for that, for sure.
Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:34:28]:
Now you’ve given a lot of pieces of advice today, things for all of us to think about in the way that we father. As we finish up today, what’s one piece of advice you wanna give to every father?
Ryan Moore [00:34:37]:
You’re not ready. You’ll never be ready. Yeah. You’ve screwed up already. And you’ll continue to screw up. Just oh, boy. Yep. So lean into that that being a fact.
Ryan Moore [00:34:48]:
Get yourself up and just love on those girls. There’s no perfect father. Well, there’s a perfect father. I’m not it. That’s for sure.
Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:34:57]:
Well, thank you so much for being here today, for sharing your own journey as a father, and I wish you all the best.
Ryan Moore [00:35:03]:
Chris, it’s been my pleasure and great to reconnect again. Thank you.
Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:35:05]:
If you’ve enjoyed today’s episode of the dads with daughters podcast, we invite you to check out the fatherhood insider. The fatherhood insider is the essential resource for any dad that wants to be the best dad that he can be. We know that no child comes with an instruction manual and most dads are figuring it out as they go along, and the fatherhood insider is full of resources and information that will up your game on fatherhood. Through our extensive course library, interactive forum, step by step roadmaps, and more, you will engage and learn with experts, but more importantly, dads like you. So check it out at fathering together.org. If you are a father of a daughter and have not yet joined the with daughters Facebook community, there’s a link in the notes today. Dads with daughters is a program of fathering together. We look forward to having you back for another great guest next week, all geared to helping you raise strong and powered daughters and be the best dad that you can be.
Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:36:04]:
We’re all in the same boat, and it’s full of tiny screaming passengers. We spend the time, We give the lessons. We make the meals. We buy them presents and bring your a game. Because those kids are growing fast, the time goes by just like a dynamite blast. Calling astronauts and firemen, carpenters, and muscle men. Get out and be the dad you can be.
