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Discovering the Path to Better Father-Daughter Relationships
In a recent episode of the “Dads with Daughters” podcast, host Dr. Christopher Lewis sat down with Madeline Anderson, author of Girl Dad: Stories, Lessons, and Advice from Girl Dads and Their Daughters. Madeline shared insights and stories from her book and personal life, shedding light on the unique and impactful father-daughter relationship. Below, we delve into the highlights of their conversation and explore how her insights can help fathers strengthen their bonds with their daughters.
The Genesis of “Girl Dad”
Madeline Anderson, inspired by the unique and nurturing relationship with her father, set out to write *Girl Dad*. She recognized that her bond with her dad was rare and wanted to share the principles that made their relationship special. The book is a culmination of her personal experiences and interviews with various fathers and daughters. The key lesson: making life fun and enjoyable for daughters from a young age can build strong, lasting relationships.
Understanding the Importance of Small Moments
A recurring theme in Madeline’s book is the impact of small, consistent gestures over grandiose acts. During the podcast, she shared touching stories from daughters who cherished simple, heartfelt actions from their fathers. For instance, one father left a note in his daughter’s freezer that she found after he moved her into college. Such acts of love and thoughtfulness resonate deeply, often becoming treasured memories.
Building Lifelong Friendships
Madeline emphasized the importance of fathers not only as authority figures but as friends. By making activities enjoyable and relating to their daughters’ interests, fathers can cultivate friendship and trust. She shared an anecdote about her father building a playhouse in their attic, complete with a rock wall entry. This creative and fun project strengthened their bond, underpinning the larger message of her book—having fun together can transform the father-daughter relationship.
Embracing Your Authentic Self
Madeline also discussed the importance of fathers remaining true to themselves. Instead of sacrificing their interests, fathers should incorporate their daughters into their world. If a father enjoys hiking, for instance, taking his daughter along can create shared experiences and memories. When daughters feel included in their father’s life, they are more likely to share their own worlds in return.
The Power of Understanding
Madeline urged fathers to prioritize understanding their daughters at an individual level. Simple practices like sharing “roses and thorns” of the day can open channels of communication and provide insights into their daughters’ lives. By knowing her highs and lows, fathers can support their daughters more effectively and build deeper connections.
Balancing Work and Family
Madeline spoke about her father’s ability to balance a demanding work schedule while maintaining a close relationship with his daughters. She admired his ability to integrate his work world with his family life, showcasing that with some creativity and effort, work commitments need not overshadow family time. This approach can provide daughters with positive role models and inspire them in their own professional pursuits.
The Birth of Girl Dad Network
Expanding on her book’s mission, Madeline is launching the Girl Dad Network, an online community offering resources, mentorship, and a platform for fathers to connect and learn from one another. This network will feature monthly meetings, courses tailored by age group, gift guides, and resources for both fathers and daughters—intending to be a comprehensive support system for “girl dads” everywhere.
The conversation between Dr. Christopher Lewis and Madeline Anderson illuminated the profound impact of conscious and loving fatherhood on daughters. Madeline’s work serves as a reminder that it’s the little things that often matter the most. By being genuine, involving daughters in their passions, understanding their needs, and balancing work and family life, fathers can build meaningful and lasting relationships with their daughters.
For more resources, fathers can visit the Girl Dad Network at girldadnetwork.com or explore Madeline’s book, *Girl Dad*, available through Amazon. As underscored by Dr. Lewis, dads don’t need to be perfect; they just need to be present, engaged, and open to the journey of fatherhood.
Remember, every small gesture counts, and every day is an opportunity to build a stronger bond with your daughter.
TRANSCRIPT
Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:00:05]:
Welcome to dads with daughters. In this show, we spotlight dads, resources, and more to help you be the best dad you can be.
Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:00:16]:
Welcome back to the Dads with Daughters podcast where we bring you guests to be active participants in your daughters’ lives, raising them to be strong, independent women. Really excited to have you back again this week. Every week, I love being able to sit down and talk to you. I say this every week, but it’s so true because I learn from you as much as I’m hoping that you’re learning from the people that we have on, the resources that we’re sharing to help you be that dad that you wanna be to your daughters. And every week, I love being able to bring you different people, different guests, different people with different experiences. Last week, you had an opportunity to meet Kekoa and Madeline Anderson. They both were on. I love having fathers and daughters on.
Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:00:58]:
And I introduced you to the fact that Madeline is the author of a book called Girl Dad, Stories, Lessons and Advice from Girl Dads and Their Daughters. And we didn’t really talk a lot about that book. But let me give you a little more context. So Madeline is an author and entrepreneur. She’s got a passion for neuroscience, psychology, writing, and speaking. She’s the daughter of a girl dad. We met him last week. And he’s a father of 3 daughters.
Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:01:25]:
So he’s got a lot of experience in that. And over a number of years, she spent over a number of years, she had the opportunity to interview a wide array of fathers and daughters to write this book about how you can be the best dad that you can be to your daughters. It really fits in well with the podcast and what we do in fathering together. So I’m really excited to have her back again this week to talk more about this journey that she’s been on to be able to help dance and to learn a little bit more about what she learned in that process as well. Madeleine, thanks so much for being back again this week.
Madeline Anderson [00:02:02]:
Thank you so much for having me, Christopher. I really appreciate it.
Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:02:05]:
Well, I am excited to have you back. And it was so fun having your dad on last week and learning about the journey that the both that both of you were on. And I love some of the stories that he was sharing and some of the stories you were sharing about golfing and being able to, be that multi sport, fed into this book. But I I guess I wanna go back to the genesis because you’re not a mother. You’re not a father. You’re writing a book, though, about being a great dad to daughters, and I think that has to have come from what we heard last week in the relationship that you have with your own father. But give me some of the genesis of what made you decide that you wanted to spend the time, the effort to interview all these people, to gain all this insight, and then put this book out into the world.
Madeline Anderson [00:02:54]:
So I wrote this book because I have an incredible relationship with my dad. And, obviously, y’all heard that on the last podcast, but I had no idea how rare our relationship is. And I really want to change that. So that’s the genesis of the book. And it started out with me writing stories with my dad and how he raised me and my 2 younger sisters. But then it turned into so much more than that as I started interviewing both dads and daughters from all over, like you mentioned. And I think it’s really a culmination of their stories, lessons, and advice that really shine throughout the book. And the actual moment that I realized I wanted to write the book was actually an interesting one.
Madeline Anderson [00:03:37]:
I was driving in Santa Monica. I could tell you exactly what street I was on and where I was going, but I I just had a thought pop into my head that said, you should write a book called Girl Dad. And like I said, I had always known I had a great relationship with my dad, but this thought just kind of came out of left field. And I’ve recently read Rick Rubin’s book, The Creative Act, A Way of Being. And there was something in it that really stood out to me as relevant to this conversation. And he talked a lot about artists being the vessels for bringing the art or the idea to life and how sometimes ideas just come to you. And you’re meant to basically take that idea and put it out into the world. And I really feel that that was the case for girl dad.
Madeline Anderson [00:04:18]:
It felt like a calling that’s bigger than me, bigger than my stories, and it was something that I almost had to do because it was so important. And I think that having that daughter perspective is hopefully really helpful for dads because I’m trying to shed light on what we care about, what we want from our dads, and how to have a great relationship with us. So that’s kind of the the genesis of Girl Dad, and it’s evolving every day. I’m so excited. I’m launching Girl Dad Network very, very soon here, and that’ll be an online platform for dads with all kinds of different things, like community and monthly live meetings with me, resources for the dads, resource for the daughters. Just kind of a full, all encompassing girl dad takes me takes me and how many people this message reaches.
Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:05:11]:
You know, one of the things that you said in the past podcast was that and and you reflected that just a moment ago where you talked about how rare it was for you to realize the relationship between you and your dad was not the norm. And you realized that in college when you interacted with other women that didn’t have that same relationship. Talk to me about that and what you were hearing from some of these other women about the relationships they did not have. And what were those women telling you about what they wished that relationship was and what was missing in that relationship?
Madeline Anderson [00:05:49]:
Yeah. It started the day that I moved in, and I lived in a dorm with I think it was there’s 8 of us. So it was a 2 bedroom dorm with I know, I guess it was 6 of us. There was 2 bedrooms, 3 people in each bedroom, 1 bathroom, kind of a tough situation, but my dad helped me move in and he was there. He was so supportive. We grabbed dinner afterwards, the way he was helping me set up and everything. And then all 5 of the other girls were just there in awe. They didn’t have a dad who was helping them move in.
Madeline Anderson [00:06:19]:
And I definitely took it for granted. It was like, you know, move in day course he’s coming. That’s what he does. Like, you know, he’s just always there for me. And so it was, that was the first moment. And then after he left, they had told me a lot about that. Like, wow, I can’t believe your dad did that. That was so nice of him.
Madeline Anderson [00:06:34]:
And I I really wish my dad would care for me like that. And and then obviously throughout college, I met ton of other girls who also had either no relationship with their dad or a very negative relationship. And they would say, you know, they hate their dad. You know, just really things that make my skin crawl a little bit and it and it hurts my heart, but it basically, it became very obvious to me that I had something very special And I always knew he was amazing, but I didn’t realize how rare our relationship was.
Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:07:01]:
So you spent all this time, and you started kinda deconstructing the relationship that you had with your own father. And as you were looking at that, what were some of the big points, some of the things that really stood out to you that were unique in your relationship that you weren’t seeing in some of the other relationships around you?
Madeline Anderson [00:07:21]:
I think it probably tends to start from a young age. And looking back to when me and my sisters were young, one thing he did consistently was make life fun. So he would just put himself in our shoes and try to make every situation fun for us. And by having fun with him, we became more than, you know, just a father daughter dynamic. We became friends. And so we’ve kind of built that friendship over the years. We’re still great friends and he’s also my dad and I’m also his daughter, you know, that you can be both. And I think that’s one thing that really became clear throughout my adulthood and reflecting on these stories and talking with my younger sisters and trying to think back, okay, What was that thing dad did with us? You know? It’s like the common theme is we had so much fun, and nothing was, like, too crazy or such a rare idea.
Madeline Anderson [00:08:12]:
It was all just, like, being silly or just hanging out with us and making us feel special. And one thing that comes to mind is he built us this playhouse, and it was just the coolest thing ever. He we had an attic, and so he transformed that attic into our playhouse. And he’s super handy. So he did all the insulation and put in wood floors in the attic. And then what he did is he cut a hole in the top of our closet, and then he built a rock wall. And we were helping him throughout the process. So I have photos of me with little mask on up in the attic, and we went to REI and got the rock wall pieces and helped decide, okay, this one should go here.
Madeline Anderson [00:08:48]:
This is here. And then it became this epic playhouse where you had to crawl up a rock wall in the closet to get to this playhouse. And we called it Club Wahini because he was born in Hawaii and we would draw on the walls. And every time our friends would come over, they would sign the wall And we would be up there for hours and hours, like, every day, every weekend, we had sleepovers up there. And it was just such a fun thing that he did. And he just he thought of it because he’s creative, and he’s always thinking about, oh, how can we make this fun? He’s he’s just really good at turning any situation into something that you wanna be a part of.
Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:09:24]:
So beyond what you were learning specifically about the relationship between you and your dad because by taking a clinical approach to taking a look at the relationship, it’s a it it kinda sets makes you have to step back and look from a macro view versus the micro view that you grew up in. But then you went beyond that, and you started to talk to other fathers, daughters about their relationships. What did you learn what did you start learning from those conversations that was eye opening for you as you were preparing and collecting all this data that would eventually be written in your book?
Madeline Anderson [00:10:03]:
The first thing that comes to mind is when I interviewed all the daughters, the same theme kind of kept coming up, which is it’s all the little things that matter. Like, no daughter said, oh, you know, my dad is really special because on my birthday, he got me this, like, nice purse or, you know, something like big. It’s all these little micro moments that add up over time. And funny enough, I had 2 daughters talk a long time, and it was like their favorite story about handwritten notes. One of them was a daughter who her dad helped her move into college as well. And their thing growing up was they would eat ice cream together on the couch. And so when he was moving in, he wrote on a little piece of paper, I wish I was eating. I was here eating ice cream with you and he put it in her freezer.
Madeline Anderson [00:10:50]:
And then that night when he left, she was feeling all sad and she went to go get some ice cream and she saw that note there. And she said she started crying, and it was so special. And she’s moved multiple times since then. And she told me she’s brought the note with her every time and puts it in her freezer. And it’s so funny how it’s just this simple note. That was only a few words. Right? But it meant the world to her. And then the second example was one of the daughters that I interviewed, she when she was going off to college, she was having a lot of anxiety.
Madeline Anderson [00:11:19]:
She has always kind of had a lot of anxiety, struggled with that. And she’s grown up really close to home, doesn’t like to leave home. And her college was in a different state. It was a flight away. And she was ultimately deciding that she didn’t wanna go anymore because she couldn’t handle it. And so her dad wrote her the kindest note just outlining how he’s so proud of her, how she can do this, he’ll be with her every step of the way, and just made her feel like she was capable. And so she ended up going to college at this school that was far away. She brought the note with her.
Madeline Anderson [00:11:50]:
She put it in her backpack. She said she took it to every single class, and she felt a sense of comfort just knowing that that note was in her backpack. It was almost as if her dad was there in her presence. And she also told me that she has that note still today even though she’s past graduation and everything. And she said it’s all kind of crumpled up and, like, it looks old, but she said she’ll keep it forever. So I think those are two powerful stories that just go to show you that it’s just these little micro moments that means so much to us daughters. And at the end of the day, we just wanna feel loved. We wanna feel seen and heard and special.
Madeline Anderson [00:12:25]:
And there’s lots of ways to do that, but it could be as simple as a really genuine smile just like every day or a handwritten note or a big hug. Like, there’s just these things that matter so much to us, and it’s it’s not rocket science necessarily, but it takes getting to understand us as individuals and what we need from our dads, to feel supported and loved.
Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:12:49]:
So you collect all this data. And as someone that went through a doctorate program and wrote a dissertation, I know what that’s like, and especially qualitative data when you’re pulling all kinds of stories together, and you’re trying to figure out some type of semblance of order to all of this and putting it into thematic areas that make sense. Talk to me about some of the high level learning pieces that people are going to find as they go through this book and some of the main points that you are trying to put out there into the world. Not that you have to give away every secret because we want people to read the book, but what are some of the high level areas and things that you really are delving deeper into into in the book itself?
Madeline Anderson [00:13:32]:
Yeah. I think the first thing that I I would say is that it’s a very positive book. I want dads to read this and to close it and be like, let’s go. I’m so happy that I have a daughter. I’m so excited depending on what age level she’s at. I’m so excited for her journey to raise her, but I really want people to have fun with it. And I think that plays into one of the first themes and takeaways, which is to don’t stop being you. And I think it’s an important one because I want you to be the happiest version of yourself because when you’re happy, you’re usually a better father, a better husband.
Madeline Anderson [00:14:06]:
It all starts with not taking away the things that you love. But this book, a lot of my, the, the stories and the themes throughout it talk about not giving those things up, but then in finding ways to include your daughter in them. And I think, you know, when you include her in your world, she will let you into hers. It might happen over time, especially as she gets older, but it pays dividends by making her feel like she’s a part of your life and your passions. So I would say that’s a that’s a big one. Another takeaway would be getting to know your daughter and the importance of that and figuring out how to know your daughter. And there’s some great tips in there like plain roses and thorns, which is basically asking her her rose of the day and her thorn of the day. So like a highlight of the day and something that maybe issue wish went differently and how powerful those conversations can be because she might be holding on to something and not going to speak up about it.
Madeline Anderson [00:15:05]:
But if you give her the floor and you say, what was your thorn of the day? Then maybe something will come up. Something’s going on at school or she’s having an argument with a friend and it’s really weighing on her. And she might not say anything. But when you give her the microphone and you show her that you’re there to support her, you might learn a lot. And same thing goes with the positive side too. You might learn some of her passions that you didn’t recognize. So that’s another big one. And then I talk a lot about work and life.
Madeline Anderson [00:15:32]:
And I think that’s a big talking point for me, especially with my dad. He did such a good job of including me in his world with work. And so I never felt like my dad was spending too much time on work and not enough time with the family, even though he spends a ton of time on work. But I look at it as, wow. He’s so amazing, so inspired by him. I hope to be as hardworking as him, and I don’t look at as look at it as, you know, a negative or something that’s taken away from me and my time. So I think there’s a lot of tips on all three of those. There’s plenty of, you know, tips on other things as well, but I would say those are some of the highlights.
Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:16:09]:
Now you talked about some of the things that you’re planning to do. And as I’m sure going through college, moving into your career, this probably was not on your on your entrepreneurial journey of thinking that this was what you were going to hang your hat on and to put out into the world and to engage fathers in this way. So talk to me about where you are today, where you’re going. You talked a little bit about that at the beginning, but let’s talk about it again. I’d like to go a little deeper on that and what your hope is for what people are gonna take out of this book and to either take their own relationship to the next level or what that means, but share that with me as well.
Madeline Anderson [00:16:49]:
So got a lot of exciting things in the works. I think my biggest focus right now is Girl Dad Network, building that out. So there’s going to be some programs which are like courses depending on age level of the daughters. There’s going to be monthly calls with me where it’ll be a live call with me and like anyone in the community who wants to join. And I think that will be a really powerful piece because we’ll be able to dive into things that are going on in in the relationship and how to amend things or how to prepare for, you know, certain stages of life. And I’ll go over different topics as well and really excited for that piece. And then you’ve got the community side, being able to communicate with other fathers who are in similar situations or have daughters of the same age. There’ll be events live and virtual.
Madeline Anderson [00:17:35]:
Let’s see. There’s resources for the dads. I’m really excited about the gift guide actually because I’m building that with other daughters. So they can just go on there, add to cart, make it super easy for them. And it’s all from the daughter’s perspective once again. So they know, okay, if this is something that the daughters would want, then it’s probably, very relevant. And then there’s also resources for the daughter. So I’m building out, like, a mentorship program for the daughter, job board, and a college prep program as well.
Madeline Anderson [00:18:03]:
So just wanted to be a one stop shop for the dads, everything girl dad related. How can they have a great relationship with their daughter? How can they set their daughter up for success? It’s an online community. So it’s, yeah, that’s my main focus right now. Super excited about that. And then I would say the second part of it is speaking. I’m doing a lot more speaking events and been really, really loving that. I think my main focus is just getting out in front of as many dads as possible, whether that be through the book, through the speaking, through the community, and just being able to make an impact on fathers and daughters and future generations. So that’s my passion.
Madeline Anderson [00:18:39]:
And, yeah, I’m really looking forward to seeing where it takes me.
Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:18:41]:
So if people are interested in finding out more about the network, about the book, where should they go?
Madeline Anderson [00:18:47]:
Yeah. So for the network, girldadnetwork.com. And for the book, girl dad the book dot com. It’s also on Amazon, but there’s a link through the website as well if that’s easier.
Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:18:57]:
And we’ll put links in the notes today for all of you to be able to find this, to be able to go out, grab the book, and be able to learn from the book, from the father and daughter relationships that are in the book. You’re definitely not going to wanna miss this, and you’re going to want to learn from this journey that not only that Madeleine has been on with her own dad, but also the journeys of all these fathers and daughters because it’s really important to be able to take in all of this, like we talk about every week on the show, and be able to be open to learning, to be open to the journey, and know that you don’t have to be a perfect dad. But there are things that you can do to be able to set up some building blocks that will help you to be the dad that you want to be. So I just want to say thank you, Madeleine, for making this a passion area for yourself, for working with fathers in so many different ways, for putting this out into the world. And I wish you all the best.
Madeline Anderson [00:19:48]:
Thank you, Christopher. It’s an honor to be here, and I appreciate everything that you’re doing for all the dads out there as well.
Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:19:54]:
If you’ve enjoyed today’s episode of the dads with daughters podcast, we invite you to check out the fatherhood insider. The fatherhood insider is the resource for any dad that wants to be the best dad that he can be. We know that no child comes with an instruction manual and most dads are figuring it out as they go along, and the fatherhood insider is full of resources and information that will up your game on fatherhood. Through our extensive course library, interactive forum, step by step roadmaps and more, you will engage and learn with experts, but more importantly dads like you. So check it out atfatheringtogether.org. If you are a father of a daughter and have not yet joined the dads with daughters Facebook community, there’s a link in the notes today. Dads with daughters is a program of fathering together. We look forward to having you back for another great guest next week, all geared to helping you raise strong empowered daughters and be the best dad that you can be.
We’re all in the same boat, And it’s full of tiny screaming passengers. We spend the time. We give the lessons. We make the meals. We buy them presents and bring your a game. Because those kids are growing fast. The time goes by just like a dynamite blast. Calling astronauts and firemen, carpenters, and musclemen.
Get out and be the world to them. Be the best that you can be.
